Jeffrey Platts

500 Dates Of Bummer

Written by on March 10, 2010

Is dating a numbers game?  Is it really about just going out and dating tons of people until you find a match?  If that’s your approach, and it feels good and true to you, then keep on truckin’.  If, however, you’re having some frustration or lack of success with that approach, then I invite you to consider another view.

Finding a good romantic partner is mainly about getting into energetic alignment with WHO YOU ARE.  We attract to us partners that are an energetic match to where and who we are in that moment, as well as to the stories we’re telling ourselves.  And we stay together with that person as long we are a match, as long as the lessons and opportunities still resonate. When one partner starts to shift their energy (or reveal the true self that they’ve kept hidden), then that’s when you start to see relationships drift apart.  So given that, the very best thing you can do for yourself is to study yourself.   See what in life makes you come alive, what slows you down, what gets your juices flowing.

“Wait a minute, Jeffrey, so I can just sit on my couch, write in my journal as I watch Family Guy and find me a great lady?” No, that is not going to get you closer to finding your ideal match.   But neither is just going on an avalanche of dates merely hoping that eventually one will finally work out.  So yes, action is a necessary part of the equation, but if I had to choose one to focus more on, it’d be to make sure I’m in full and happy alignment with who I am.

I was a huge bar and club guy.  Every Friday and Saturday night I was out on the prowl doing my pick-up thing.  That was great and fun for a long time, but one day I started to not enjoy it anymore, it just wasn’t my scene. Yet, I would still keep going because I believed that was simply the only way you’re supposed to meet women.  I saw it work countless times in movies and on MTV!  But I knew deep down that it wasn’t fulfilling me anymore and for me to keep going to just so I could meet women was dumb.  So I started doing other things that I enjoyed and I quickly discovered that hot, smart, sexy women are everywhere!  Of course, I still go to a fun dive bar or get my groove on at a club, but it’s because I enjoy the vibe of the place and I enjoy the friends I’m with.  Or I know the DJ will play this song.

So spend a little less time trying to figure what are the “best” places to meet women or men.  When you’re at a place and you aren’t interested in being there, people can tell!  The point is to do the things that YOU truly love and your own vibe will be more alive and radiant.  And from that you will be more attractive and people will gravitate toward you.  Take the swing dancing class.  Go rock climbing.  Check out the Scrabble lovers meetup.

The Universe has got your back and is looking out for you.  It’s got a birdseye view and is orchestrating more things than you could ever imagine.  Trust it.

Discard everything from your experience that is not essential to your now. If you could release those things you are not wearing; release those things you are not using, release them and leave your experience in a clearer place – then the things that are in harmony with who you are now will more easily flow into your experience. You all have a capacity for attraction, and when your process is clogged with stuff that you no longer want, the new attraction is slower – and then you end up with a feeling of frustration and overwhelm. – Abraham-Hicks

So what can you do get more into alignment with yourself?

  1. Evaluate your lifestyle.  Check out your social life, your hobbies, the places you go.  Are you doing them because you really enjoy them or is the real reason because you think you’ll have a higher chance of meeting someone to date?
  2. Spend quality time alone.  You can’t figure out who you are if you’re always running around and when you’re home always distracting yourself with the TV or the Internet.  Shoot for 15 minutes of pure, uninterrupted quiet time each day.  Turn off the phone.  Close the laptop.  Leave the iPod on the table.
  3. Be friendly to everyone, everywhere.   Let go of any beliefs that you know when you’re going to meet your next partner.  You don’t.  Ask anyone who’s in a happy relationship and I’ll bet most of them will tell you that they couldn’t have predicted the time and place where they met their partner.

Jeffrey Platts is a men's coach and authentic communication expert who is passionate about helping men create amazing relationships with women. With over 20 years of personal study and transformational training, he has led nearly 200 workshops and retreats on personal growth, dating, and communication. Jeffrey's work and writing has been featured in the Huffington Post, Washington Post, ABC News, Authentic Man Program and the Good Men Project. He brings a rich toolbox of insights and experiences to his facilitation, integrating his adventures as DJ, amateur stand-up comedian, salsa dancer, yoga teacher and world traveler.