Jeffrey Platts

I Had Confidence All Wrong

Written by on September 10, 2015

The other day I looked up the etymology of the word “confident.”

From the Latin origin, it means
“with” (com) + “trust” (fidere).

So when someone is confident, that means that they are fully trusting themselves.

For years, I envisioned confidence as this thing that I turned on and off, like a switch.

Or some energetic outfit that I put on when needed that had me suddenly feeling stronger and bolder.

As I reflected on my life, I saw that whe I was feeling confident, it was more a consistent experience of a relaxed and natural trust in myself.

Even the Latin root, “fidere,” is the root of the word fidelity (loyalty). Confidence is a loyalty to oneself.

Think of the people that you naturally ascribe the word confident to. I would bet that they are the kind of person that, no matter what happens to them, they have a solid trust that they will figure it out. They will bounce back somehow. They’ve got their own back no matter what. They simply trust themselves.

And when you are confident in another person, you trust them.
Their abilities.
Their resilience.
Their integrity.

And when I think about it, when I get my coaching clients to the place where they finally start to fully trust themselves, confidence arises naturally.

There’s no conscious awareness of them being confident or not. It’s just there.

And if you think about it, people that we consider most confident don’t walk around talking about how confident they are.

So next time you think of how to be more confident, rather than trying to put on a front of looking “bold” or “tough,” focus instead on how can you practice trusting yourself more fully in this moment.

Get your trust on.

Jeffrey Platts is a men's coach and authentic communication expert who is passionate about helping men create amazing relationships with women. With over 20 years of personal study and transformational training, he has led nearly 200 workshops and retreats on personal growth, dating, and communication. Jeffrey's work and writing has been featured in the Huffington Post, Washington Post, ABC News, Authentic Man Program and the Good Men Project. He brings a rich toolbox of insights and experiences to his facilitation, integrating his adventures as DJ, amateur stand-up comedian, salsa dancer, yoga teacher and world traveler.