A few years back, before I went out on the town, I would sometimes think to myself “Tonight is the night I’m gonna find love!” And four hours later, as I walked back to my apartment alone with a bag of Doritos and a Big Gulp, I realized that tonight wasn’t the night.
Who declared that the hours between 10pm and 2am on Friday and Saturday are the only times we can meet new partners? That’s right. No one.
Ask all the couples you know this question: “Did you predict the time, day and place where you met your current partner?”. Unless they are Nostradamus or Al Roker, I’ll bet that 100% of them will say, no. Love isn’t a blizzard. You can’t predict its arrival.
Always taking score and asking myself (or God or my dog) “where the heck IS she?” just created more focus on the current fact that she was missing. I emphasize “current” because reality is always changing. But we can develop the habit at re-creating the same reality over and over.
And keeping a focus on what (and who) is missing helps fuel the energy of resistance. It’s difficult for something or someone new to come into a space where there is resistance. Why make it harder on yourself (and them)? Your next boyfriend will have a hard time getting to you if you have 537 “Where Are You?!” signs outside your front door.
The wisest thing to do is make yourself AVAILABLE to meeting your next partner. You have no idea when he or she will come. And chances are he or she will show up when you least expect it. So be ready. And smiling. Rain or shine.
Some suggestions on how to have more chill out and less freak out:
1) Trust in the timing of the Universe. Just because all your friends found boyfriends or are already married doesn’t mean you should be. They could all be single again in two years. You don’t know what their relationship is truly like when it’s just the two of them. Their path is their path and your path is your path. Focus on your own life and trust your own inner guidance.
2) Notice the comparison monkey in your mind. And don’t follow him. If you KNEW that the perfect person for you was going to come to you in exactly one year, how would you live your life? Would you spend that year feeling sorry for yourself seeing all those couples holding hands? Or would you rock out your life, enjoying your single time? So while there is no guaranteed one year delivery date, you are still best served by having a relaxed and easy vibe around love and dating.
3) Be curious. Turn off the auto-pilot. Engage with people throughout the day! The Universe can put potential partners in your path, but you have to interact with them. And see if you REALLY need a soundtrack every time you are walking outside. Wearing iPod earbuds not only make you less approachable they also distract you from noticing those men or women might grab YOUR attention.
Photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
Jeffrey Platts is a men's coach and authentic communication expert who is passionate about helping men create amazing relationships with women. With over 20 years of personal study and transformational training, he has led nearly 200 workshops and retreats on personal growth, dating, and communication. Jeffrey's work and writing has been featured in the Huffington Post, Washington Post, ABC News, Authentic Man Program and the Good Men Project. He brings a rich toolbox of insights and experiences to his facilitation, integrating his adventures as DJ, amateur stand-up comedian, salsa dancer, yoga teacher and world traveler.