Have you ever had a woman say “You’re not even listening to me!!!” If you say no, then you’re probably lying. Unless the Dalai Lama is reading this blog. I know I’ve had (and still have) my fair share of moments with women where I was “checked out” and she definitely felt the impact of that. As did I.
When we’re in our heads — trying to figure out the “right” or “cool” thing to say — we’re actually taking ourselves OUT of the moment and we lose the connection with the woman. She wants to feel that you are not just “physically” there but also there with your attention and your energy. If she can’t feel you energetically, then she won’t be able to connect with you.
A female friend of mine a few months ago was going through a rough time with some guy she was dating. When I met with her, I decided that I was not going to go into my typical “fix-it” mode and think of solutions for her. I was just going to be present and listen to her as she told me what was going on for her. It was a definite challenge as I saw my mind wanting to tell her what she should do. Ironically, when we were saying goodbye, she said that I was a huge help for her and she felt so much better after talking with me. But in my own mind I thought that I really didn’t “do” anything. But it was a BIG shift in my awareness of what really makes a woman feel seen and heard.
Here are three simple practices you can do to help you get out of your head and into your body.
1. Breathe. The breath is our natural reset button. It’s always with us. Nothing fancy here, just simply bring your attention to your breath. That alone gets you off of your conveyor belt of thoughts. And the deep breathing immediately starts to physically relax you.
2. Ground yourself. Visualize your energy going down into your entire body, like a tree rooting down into the Earth. Often the reason we’re in our head is that we don’t feel grounded physically. If the situation allows, do a few s-l-o-w push-ups, or hold plank pose or a yogic squat for 30 seconds to get you more physically engaged.
3. Be aware of the present moment. Notice what sensations, thoughts and feelings come up for you during the conversation — all without judging yourself or her. If you feel inspired, you might even bring it up with her. Vulnerability from a place of grounded energy is actually a turn-on for most women!
Of course. a mindfulness practice like yoga, martial arts, or tai chi incorporate all three of these ideas. Or next time you’re working out, leave the iPod at home do your run doing your best to focus on your breath.
So next time you’re interacting with a with a woman, worry less about saying the right thing and focus more on simply being present to the connection that is already there.
P.S. If you haven’t guessed this by now, these tips actually apply to ANY interaction, man or woman.
Jeffrey Platts
Jeffrey Platts is a men's coach and authentic communication expert who is passionate about helping men create amazing relationships with women. With over 20 years of personal study and transformational training, he has led nearly 200 workshops and retreats on personal growth, dating, and communication. Jeffrey's work and writing has been featured in the Huffington Post, Washington Post, ABC News, Authentic Man Program and the Good Men Project. He brings a rich toolbox of insights and experiences to his facilitation, integrating his adventures as DJ, amateur stand-up comedian, salsa dancer, yoga teacher and world traveler.
