Jeffrey Platts

Why Happy Is Sexy

Written by on April 12, 2011

One of the main reasons people want to get physically fit or buy new clothes is to feel and look sexier.

But it’s not guaranteed.

Perhaps you’ve had this experience.  You wear an outfit that you feel really good in, where you feel you could walk in to any room and approach any person you find attractive. Then a month later, you’re wearing the same exact outfit, but your mojo is gone.  You feel blah, perhaps even ugly.   Or maybe you’ve had the opposite experience where you’re wearing a boring outfit and your hair is nasty greasy, but you’re still feeling good about yourself and life in general. And despite your frumpfest, somehow you’ve got people coming up to you more than ever.

Now what caused the switch?  Chances are you probably look and weigh the same as you did last time you wore that outfit, but what’s shifted is your mood.

Sexiness is A VIBE YOU TUNE INTO, not something that you can get from someone or something outside of you.  Yes, it’s good to take showers and wear nice clothes, but more important is to make sure you’re attending to your own mood, because that’s what people pick up the most.  Your mojo doesn’t need clothes.

What things can you do to amp up your sexiness from the INSIDE out?

  1. Exercise. What better way to feel good about yourself than to get your endorphins up, get more present in your body and release stress? All those benefits will make you happier, and happy people are sexy people.
  2. Listen to music. Just like sexiness is a vibe, so is music. Everyone has a few songs that puts them in that frisky mood. I don’t care if it’s Britney Spears or Milli Vanilli.  If it gets YOUR groove on, then that’s all that matters.  Pump it up.  Even better if you can dance to it.
  3. Smile. People are sexier when they smile.  Faking it until you make it is okay here, but don’t make it a frozen, creepy permagrin.  Do your best to have a genuine, relaxed smile and people WILL notice.
  4. Watch your body language. Wearing an Armani suit and some badass shoes is not going to do diddly if you’re walking around like Eeyore.  As your body moves, your emotion follows.  So keep your body language open and confident. Stand up straight, walk tall and keep your chin up.
  5. Observe your thoughts. See how you’re talking to yourself. If you were to speak your self-talk out loud, would it make you feel open and loved?  Or would it make you feel small and insignificant?  Practice talking to yourself in a way that lifts you up and treats you with respect.

Remember, looking sexy doesn’t always lead to feeling good.

But feeling good always leads to looking sexy.


Jeffrey Platts is a men's coach and authentic communication expert who is passionate about helping men create amazing relationships with women. With over 20 years of personal study and transformational training, he has led nearly 200 workshops and retreats on personal growth, dating, and communication. Jeffrey's work and writing has been featured in the Huffington Post, Washington Post, ABC News, Authentic Man Program and the Good Men Project. He brings a rich toolbox of insights and experiences to his facilitation, integrating his adventures as DJ, amateur stand-up comedian, salsa dancer, yoga teacher and world traveler.