What’s your dating story?
“Men are pigs.”
“All women are crazy.”
“Guys don’t want to date older women like me.”
“That girl is out of my league.”
The thoughts we think will create the lens through which we view the world. If I see the world as a happy and hopeful place, then I will tend to see evidence and attract experiences that prove that to be true in my own world. Same goes for if I think the world a dangerous and sad place. And the paradox is that both are true. Both are right. Because both exist in this world of duality. It’s just a matter of which do you want to be true for your experience of reality?
As a kid growing up, I was very shy and had a pretty non-existent social life. From that, I adopted the story that I was boring and people didn’t want to hang out with me. And of course, from that, I always proved it true. π But I eventually realized that as the creator of my reality, a belief is just a bunch of repeated thoughts and I can change it at any time. So I gradually practiced thinking of myself as a kind and likeable person and I got voted Class President AND Prom King the very next year! Ok, not really, but I did make new friends and had a lot more fun.
“Beliefs are just thoughts that you keep on thinking; they’re just a habit of thought. It’s just sort of the way you’ve always thought it, and so it is the way your are now thinking it.” Abraham-Hicks
The bottom line is that you can’t outrun your stories. Sooner or later the attractive power of your vibration is gonna win out, every time. Consider these two simple formulas:
- Old emotional story + new partner = same story
- New emotional story + new partner = new story
If you meet an amazing partner but you have the same story that you “are unloveable” or that “men always leave you”, then eventually that story will prove itself true. Your personal story will create your experience. That’s why we see people repeat the same patterns over and over. But what if you had the story that “I am a beautiful woman and I truly appreciate those great (and smart) men who love me for who I am”? Totally different energy.
So what can you do to make a shift?
- Bring awareness to the repeated thoughts (otherwise known as beliefs) you have about yourself and about other people. You can’t change something unless you are aware that you are doing it. A great tool to practice questioning those disempowering thoughts is The Work. And as you choose a new story, start looking for evidence of it all around you.
- Shift the conversation with your friends and family. Whenever you find a conversation heading toward complaining about the opposite sex or wallowing in self-defeating talk, ask yourself (or the group): Is this type of thinking taking us to where we want to go? What DO we want instead? Take a stand for a more loving and empowering way of looking at yourself and the opposite sex.
- Pay big attention to the stories of popular culture. Look at the movies, songs and TV shows you expose yourself to. Are the stories that you hear about dating, love and life ones you want to live into and experience more of? You don’t have to buy into everything the entertainment companies feed you. Remember the maxim: “Environment is stronger than willpower.”
All men are not jerks & all women are not bitches. Just the ones that you focus on & attract to help you prove your story about men/women.
Jeffrey Platts
Jeffrey Platts is a men's coach and authentic communication expert who is passionate about helping men create amazing relationships with women. With over 20 years of personal study and transformational training, he has led nearly 200 workshops and retreats on personal growth, dating, and communication. Jeffrey's work and writing has been featured in the Huffington Post, Washington Post, ABC News, Authentic Man Program and the Good Men Project. He brings a rich toolbox of insights and experiences to his facilitation, integrating his adventures as DJ, amateur stand-up comedian, salsa dancer, yoga teacher and world traveler.
