Jeffrey Platts

Why Playing It Safe Isn’t Sexy

Written by on July 16, 2013

Looking back over my life, there were moments where I played it too safe with women.

Where I waited for a clear invitation before I moved forward.
Where I hid or mildly expressed my true desires and feelings for fear of being rejected.
Where I basked in the safe certainty of the status quo than in the anxious possibility of the unknown.
Where only at the brink of loss did I share what was true all along.
Where I settled and only got half of what I wanted when the full experience could have been explored.
Where I was bursting with excitement, lust and appreciation, but held back.
Where the gift of my love and physical and emotional desire for her just sat there unwrapped.
Where just grabbing her hand felt like I was risking my entire life.
Where the question I really wanted to ask was dying to pounce out of my mouth like a lion but whimpered away like a kitten.

But insights like these aren’t reasons for a pity party. Or regrets. The costs have been felt. The payoffs have been exposed. The choice is to step it up and practice at a different level. To get freaking inspired at the possibilities one simple pivot can bring.

To boldly share what’s up for me in the moment.
To be unapologetic in owning and expressing what I want.
If rejection is meant to happen, then to get to it more quickly.
If soul-soothing, passionate, sexy love is meant to happen, then to get to it more quickly.
To take the lead and respect the woman’s right and ability to feel and respond to my desires in her own way.
To trust my genuine curiosity about the woman in front me.
To plan less and blurt more.
To hold my gaze with her an trust that what shows up in the connection is just right.
To roll with and hold space for whatever she comes back with.
To witness and burn through the stories that hold me back.
And to do all this with self-acceptance and self-kindness.
To know that I’m okay no matter what happens.

Guys (and gals), I invite you to look into where in your life you might be playing it safe. Love? Sex? Career? Friends? Family? What are the payoffs you’re getting? What are the costs?

Now you have a choice.

It’s about PRACTICING being bolder. Holding a space that is bigger than your anxiety and doing it anyway.

Get uncomfortable. Learn. Grow. Repeat.

Because the reality is that if we don’t go after what we want, what are the chances of it happening?

Jeffrey Platts is a men's coach and authentic communication expert who is passionate about helping men create amazing relationships with women. With over 20 years of personal study and transformational training, he has led nearly 200 workshops and retreats on personal growth, dating, and communication. Jeffrey's work and writing has been featured in the Huffington Post, Washington Post, ABC News, Authentic Man Program and the Good Men Project. He brings a rich toolbox of insights and experiences to his facilitation, integrating his adventures as DJ, amateur stand-up comedian, salsa dancer, yoga teacher and world traveler.